Psychology of Divorce, help in situation (part3)

If Divorce is Inevitable

 If the relationship has dissolved, and partners do not want to be together anymore, still no one must say that it is all over, everything should be forgotten, and each partner has to start life anew.  A reasonable person would advise to wait and see how the situation will actually turn out because many families, after breaking up, thinking things over, criticizing, and even hatred, come back together and give it another chance. It is time that announces final resolutions, not just a person. If someone instead of time will tell to the spouses that the end of their relationship has come, then the time will punish him/her for taking up its functions. Time is not only punishing, it also cures; therefore, do not stay in its way. Maybe everything is not absolutely hopeless.

 At this time, one should not start new relationships. Usually divorce indicates the beginning of destructive Rahu period. Unfortunately, it will not end as fast as one would like. Hence, one should not take final decisions of life importance at this negative period. One has to wait for it to be over and first see some signs of improvement; otherwise all the decisions made then will not be of any use, but will worsen the suffering.

If divorce is initiated for the sake of establishing other relations, and the decision has ripened long ago, then this family practically cannot be saved. The only thing left is to say clearly and firmly that it is very, very bad to do so. If one won’t tell it, he/ she will have to accept the responsibility for taking part in this sinful activity, even though one would seemingly save good and trusting relationship with that person. Therefore, with great kindness and compassion, friendly but very firmly, one has to advise how bad it is and what serious negative effects it will cause.

If you happen to be in this kind of situation, do not blame the partner. It will let you come out of this ugly situation with some dignity. If one wants to start his/her happy new life out of this unpleasant situation, one has to at least try to make it look as noble and honest as possible, or at least not degrading. Remember, the more respectful the divorce goes, the better chance of a good next marriage exists in the future. Divorce is the beginning of a new life, and if it starts with a sin, than one should try to reduce its impact to a minimum.

Even if something is our responsibility, we need to understand the effects of our actions. Thus, Arjuna thought about the effects of killing Ashvathama, who really should have been put to death by all the rules, but he still thought about what would happen to his mother in old age. And it was Krishna’s test, which Arjuna passed with flying colors. He showed us all an example of how not to act blindly. A sage cannot be blind. To be wise means to try to act so sublime, that no one would be able to disapprove of one’s actions.

Spiritually developed person is also very experienced in everything (daksha). This is one of the 26 qualities that should be developed in the spiritual life. The Vedas comprise not only spiritual knowledge, but also material one, and the real sage must be qualified in all areas necessary. All the more, everything connected to the spiritual life is not material but spiritual as well. The only thing to understand is that if the consultant has no real experience in family life, his/her advice would be not as effective, for it is a very practical and sensitive area of ​​expertise. The Vedas say that before one start guiding another person, he or she must achieve something substantial in a given area. If it turns out well then one can take reins of government. As a proverb says, ”Doctor, heal yourself first”.

Finally, when consulting a troubled couple, one must understand that if the house does not have vigraha — the worship of God– then this house will become galagraha — a heavy burden. Though maintenance of the temple which you can turn your home into is always difficult, but it brings spiritual bliss. Maintaining the empty house, which even God does not need, is a bone-breaking labor. Even a small step on the path of spiritual development can revitalize a house and make it more suitable for the spiritual life.

True love does not come “for something”, but rather “in spite of something”, sometimes in spite of a lot. That is how God loves us. Another thing is that the response to this love should be the desire to become as good as possible for the sake of those who love us. We need to learn real humility. When no one likes and appreciates us, we have to be able to say to ourselves, “I’m not worthy of love, so why should I take offense?” And when all of a sudden we start to be loved and appreciated, we must also be prepared to say to ourselves: “There is nothing to love me for – but the Lord wants me to pass this test.” And most importantly, we must learn to love other people also “for no reason.” In such a mood one can learn to solve all problems and overcome even insurmountable difficulties. Remember – the power is in humility!




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