There are 5 qualities that make a woman a good wife. All 5 are the energies that she has within her from birth. The real art is in learning to switch between them appropriately.
1. Wife-the energy of control. Patni is Sanskrit. A woman is a protector of man’s senses while a man is a protector of woman’s physical body. A wife has the power to stop a bad habit before it develops, to set the boundaries in a feminine manner. She is the one who can say “I have a bad feeling about it” and stop her husband from making a huge mistake. This cannot be the only energy used by a woman in the family, because it can make her controlling and dominating. Just like chili pepper in cooking, it should be used sparingly.
2. Mother – the nurturing energy. Mata in Sanskrit. The energy of support and calmness. A woman should use it when her husband is in a helpless state and has nobody else to turn to. However, she should not use this energy too often as it switches roles in a family. A wife is not a mother, but she can express motherly energy when her husband suffers extreme hardships.
3. Daughter – the energy of submission. Kanyaka is Sanskrit. This is the energy that is most helpful in arguments, it helps to avoid conflicts. Anger is a destructive energy which only gets stronger when counteracted with anger. However, the best defense from anger is sweet submission. When a woman uses this energy appropriately, she switches on her husband’s understanding that she is not his enemy.
4. Sister– the energy of acceptance. Svasā in Sanskrit. This is the energy that keeps a family together. It is expressed in the form of being happy with what you have and appreciating your husband for being around. This is the energy that helps survive any crisis.
5. Mistress. Aryani in Sanskrit. This is the energy that should be used appropriately. Nowadays, this energy is discussed and valued the most. Most women do not want to be honorable mothers, matajis, they want to be sex bombs. They build families on the energy of enjoyment, but such families don’t last. Simply because people try to increase sense gratification, not well-being and spiritual development of their families.
A combination of all these energies is inside a woman. These energies should be used as a combination, in a gentle manner. This does not mean playing roles – it means using appropriately the feminine energies that you possess.
There are three main qualities that make a man successful in family life. He needs to develop these qualities to be prepared for marriage. Unfortunately, we hear very little about their importance. However, we deal with the consequences of such neglect in the form of very sad divorce statistics. And this year we have 103 divorces for every 100 marriages.
The first quality is generosity. Without generosity a man cannot make a woman feel truly happy and relaxed. When a man is not generous, the woman always feels like she needs to prove that she is “normal”, that her demands are “reasonable”. A man might be a person of reason, he might strive for equality and fairness. He might believe that him and his wife are equal and, therefore, require the same amount of everything, because this is fair. If he has two pairs of shoes, then she only needs no more than that. However, such man is destroying the feminine essence of his woman. Her mind is 9 times stronger and requires 9 times more for the situation to be fair. His 2 pairs of shoes equal to 18 pairs for her, and this is fair. The same applies to intangible things, he needs to say 1000 words a day and she needs 9000. A truly generous man will understand that and let her speak because he is not greedy with his time.
The second quality is the desire to develop intelligence. This doesn’t mean academic knowledge, it means trying to understand the true meaning of life. Without seeing the purpose of life a man becomes a slave to sense gratification. His ability to provide for the family doesn’t keep his marriage together — his ability for deep thinking does.
The third quality is faithfulness. He has to be able to stay faithful to his wife, family, principles and himself. Faithfulness is the true strength of a man. He cannot consider himself strong if he lifts 200 pounds 10 times but cannot overcome the temptation of a tiny cigarette. We think that doing whatever you want is freedom, but in reality this is slavery to sense pleasures.