Just wish you joy, happiness and fulfillment every day!
Just wish you joy, happiness and fulfillment every day!
On the picture above you can see the contents of the book I was publishing from. I Have the author’s permission to publish just a few more chapters. If you are interested in getting the full content click here . Have a happy Independence Day!
Love comes to us from two sources. The result looks practically
the same externally, but internally there’s a fundamental difference.
If love manifests from human lust, it is fraught with contradictions.
This is because any material activity is dual by nature. As much as we’d
like to have good luck, an equal share of bad luck follows. As much
as we’d like Yin to come into our life, it is always accompanied by the
same size Yang. Then, if love comes from spiritual reality, it is bound
to collide with material reality. And again, there’s no way to get around
The desire for eternal love doesn’t match with the impermanence
of this world. Thus, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t mean that love
is impossible. Conflict is less of a problem if we realize what’s going on.
The main thing is to understand the inner essence of contradictions.
The duality of this phenomenon can be minimized then. For example,
an experienced housewife knows that hot oil and water come into
conflict. If you pour water into hot oil, the mixture will explode.
However, if you pour oil into boiling water, you’ll only hear a slight
He beats you because he loves you…
These impressive and terrible words came out of the easiest
contradiction that exists in love. That is the contradiction of allpermissiveness
and the desire to protect. If I allow my beloved one
absolutely everything – gratification of any kind, I let him/her get into
a dreadful situation one day. Except joy, they will sooner or later have
to experience the same amount of suffering.
A truly loving person wants his/her beloved to be happy and
doesn’t want him/her to suffer. It requires that we resolve a contradiction
between all-permissiveness and the desire to protect against grief. And
it is resolved by the method of strictness. Strictness is the right balance
between all-permissiveness and prohibition. If we truly love someone,
we have to be strict. If we aspire for true love, we must be prepared to
be strict with ourselves.
We allow swimming in the river but strictly forbid swimming
beyond the buoys. We allow staying out but demand to come back
home before dark. We allow the child to play with friends but insist on
doing homework first. We allow riding a bike but prohibit riding on a
Too much rigor grows into violence; lack of strictness, however,
turns into all-permissiveness. Both these extremes impede love, or, in
other words, neither is the expression of love since the key principle –
the desire to protect – is being lost.
The same principle of strictness reveals itself in spiritual love, as
well. A spiritual person loves God, but instead of all-permissiveness,
this love manifests itself as iron discipline. A believer doesn’t think that
“now that I love God I can do anything I want”. On the contrary, to
protect his/her love, one becomes strict with oneself in desires, when
it comes to mind, senses and body. It’s not that one simply rejoices
Technologies of Success: Living Well Isn’t Against The Law by Vyacheslav Ruzov 76
in spiritual happiness – along with that, a spiritual person abides by
all the rules of spiritual development. However, if he/she is too strict,
love for God grows into fanaticism. On the other hand, if one is too
relaxed, it becomes sentimentalism, or sahajiya. Again, these extremes
don’t let divine love develop and cause many types of suffering instead.
Therefore, if one speaks about the Absolute Truth but doesn’t touch on
the topic of strictness of spiritual life, in a befitting way, this is a form of
subtle violence. A listener becomes deceived, being deprived of proper
understanding of love.
Another contradiction of love manifests itself in the relationship
with the seniors. A senior person is the one we should seek good advice
from. As we try to follow this advice, a complex loving controversy
becomes apparent. The seniors invariably possess perfect rightmindedness
concerning the theoretical framework. But when it comes
to practical application, misunderstandings may occur. This is because
life circumstances of those who get advice may be different. Therefore,
whenever we face a contradiction, we must know the rules for proper
behavior. It will help us not to lose our loving relations with the seniors.
And these loving relations are among the most important ones.
Once again, strictness is what is needed. On one hand, we
wholeheartedly value the experience of the senior. We try our best to
grasp the vision of how to act. It is with all our heart that we feel the
desire of the seniors to protect us. We appreciate it and are very grateful
for their advice.
One day people complained to the old sage about all the evil that
came into being together with the so-called technical advancement:
“What’s the use of this technical junk?” they said. “How does it
help people think about the values and sense of life?”
“Anything can contribute to our knowledge.”
“What can we learn, say, from a railroad?”
“That in a moment one can lose everything.”
“What about the telegraph service?”
“That you have to pay for every word you say.”
“How about the phone?”
“That everything we speak here is heard over there…”
On the other hand, we mind our own life principles and strive
to get it done so that there is no contradiction at the end. We are
obliged to accept loving instructions from the seniors. But we are also
responsible for other people we love: the junior ones; those dependent
on us, the equals; and God, after all. If we are not strict with regards to
this situation, love of the seniors won’t bring happiness to us. It won’t
make them happy either. And we have ourselves to blame! To take sage
advice is not enough – one has to put it to work in a proper way. Looks
like a semi-finished product. If it hasn’t been heated, who is to blame?
This is exactly what love for seniors is – we must follow their advice
in such a way that everyone gets happy. Failure to do so will cause
misery to those who have given this advice, after all. This is especially
important to remember, if the advice raises many doubts.
We are talking about it because seniors nowadays stop playing
the role of wise mentors who know the purpose of human life. But it
doesn’t mean we should reject their advice. Disregard for seniors will
destroy our soul; destroy all culture, humanity and spirituality, along
with that. Therefore, we do follow the seniors’ advice, but if it’s not too
spiritual, we make adjustments. In the long run, these adjustments are
beneficial for us, the seniors and all the surrounding people, as well.
For example, if a senior person asks to drink to his/her health,
we are obliged to drink, but it doesn’t have to be alcohol. If you drink
alcohol, it will make you ill, and the seniors who advised it, will also
face the consequences. And so, because we wish the adviser all the best,
we drink juice instead of whiskey, as we follow their advice. By doing
so, we keep ourselves healthy and protect the seniors from negative
consequences. The one who, getting the advice, thinks not whether
it’s proper or improper, but how to follow it so that everyone derives
benefit, is a friend to all living beings. Even if you give such a person
a wrong advice, he/she will follow it in such a way that you benefit
yourself in any case.
The key is not to be afraid to act strictly. Strictness is a mandatory
attribute of a high achiever — a person who wants to do good to others.
Technologies of Success: Living Well Isn’t Against The Law by Vyacheslav Ruzov 78
A low achiever is the one ready to do good to himself/herself only. It’s
common to think that unlucky fellows are those for whom nothing
goes well. But this is not the case. A real loser is the one who benefits
himself/herself only while making others suffer. Therefore, we shouldn’t
be afraid to benefit both individuals and the community as a whole. It
will teach us true spiritual generosity – nobility of a person ready to
undergo hardships for the sake of bringing true spiritual happiness to
others. This is how a man of faith acts, and this is really glorious. Only
those who have no fear can do good and bring happiness to others in
It was right at our subway station that a terrorist attack took place
yesterday, and I’d like to tell a parable in this regard.
Once upon a time a monk wandered the world and met the
Plague. The Plague was making way to his native city.
“Where are you going to?” he asked her.
“The city you lived in,” said the Plague. “I have to claim a thousand
It happened after a while that the monk encountered her again.
“Why did you deceive me?” he reproached her. “You said you
would claim a thousand lives, but you took five thousand.”
“I told you the truth then,” replied the Plague. “I really took a
thousand lives. Others died from fear.”
We shouldn’t be afraid whenever we come up against an obstacle
or get into trouble, or when we receive some contradictory advice. It
doesn’t matter in the least. The main thing is our willingness to make
every effort to dovetail all that with the superior purpose. The purpose
is to gain spiritual understanding since it is only spiritual vision that
can release one from suffering. I must understand that I’m the eternal
soul and being happy is in my nature. Whereas the body is temporary
and it’s always full of anxiety. Only if I manage to understand that,
can I fully focus on the soul and endure bodily problems with dignity,
thereby starting to live like a real sage.
To sum it up, let’s hear another parable.
Once upon a time there lived a very wise sage. People always
turned to him for help, and he always gave good counsel. The fame of
his wisdom spread everywhere.
One day it reached the ears of another man who was also wise
and famous in his neighborhood. He also used to help others. He liked
it that people considered him to be the wisest and put value in his
advice. As soon as this man learnt about another sage, he became angry.
He thought he would lose his fame now. And the man started to think
how to prove to others that he was actually the wisest.
Finally he decided, I’m gonna take a butterfly, hide it in my
hands, approach the sage in front of everybody and ask: “What’s the
thing in my hands?” Naturally, he is a great sage. He’ll twig and say:
“You’ve got a butterfly.” Then I’ll ask him: “Is it dead or alive?” If he says
the butterfly is alive, I’ll slightly press it with my palms. When I let my
hands slacken, everyone will see that the butterfly is dead.
And in case he says the butterfly is dead, I’ll set it free and it will
fly. People will see that he was not right.
So said, so done. He took a butterfly and approached the sage.
“What’s in my hands?” he asked.
The sage looked and said,
“You’ve got a butterfly.”
Then he said,
“Now tell me: is it dead or alive?”
The sage looked into his eyes and thought for a while.
“Everything is in your hands,” — he said.
We all have very unique relationship with Father and Mother. For some it is great friendship, some have never seen any of them, some wish for one or the other. But every single one of us have accepted the gift go life from them. Let’s say THANK YOU in any way we can – a call, a letter or a prayer.
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At this age and time, divorce has become not really a problem; it is something rather casual, something that nobody pays much attention to. An option of divorce is often discussed even before marriage takes place. People get used to the idea that there is nothing wrong with getting divorced; moreover, timely divorce even looks like a manifestation of cold reason. The appearance of the words “contemporary divorce” itself shows that the technology of family relationships has so much degraded. Divorce today accords to the very mood of modern family life, which does not have that piety it used to have before. Contemporary family became a way to spend some time, not a lifelong vow pronounced in face of God, associated with responsibilities and austerities.
At Vedic times, a pious wife was able to protect her children even from death simply by being faithful to her husband. Nowadays, pious behavior is extremely rare; therefore, karma comes through the closest family and relatives. It brings one a great amount of suffering. So, on one hand, we understand that the situation became unsolvable; however, on the other hand we also realize that even in a desperate situation, it is in our power to act honorably, sublimely, piously, humanly, and even spiritually. Therefore, one has to understand some important rules, by following which one will at least not make the situation worse by taking part in it and thus will not come under the influence of karmic laws that punish everyone who is in any way involved in this undignified process.
A Threat of Divorce
The initial cause of divorce is always lust that does not allow one to live peacefully, pushing one to search for new pleasures. The lust is based on the shape of the opposite gender; this shape has a nature of penetrating into the consciousness and staying there while one keeps it there. Its influence is definitely destructive. For example, if one looks at a bottle of alcoholic beverage, he or she becomes slightly, maybe for one percent, drunk. Lust, however, doesn’t make one just slightly drunk; it affects one hundred percent. If one lets it into the sea of his or her consciousness, it will sweep their mind like a tsunami; don’t expect just slight waves…
On the other hand, divorce comes as a result of a philosophical dilemma. People expect great happiness in family life, but all they get is plenty of new responsibilities without the slightest trace of spiritual bliss. When advertisement is there, but the merchandise doesn’t fit the description, it causes natural irritation. Same way, behind the promises of eternal devotion and love, one finds just lies and nonsense. It is quite logical that many unsatisfied customers decide to purchase the product from a competing company. This way, an idea of divorce as a way of obtaining a product that matches its advertisement comes to existence.
Ultimately, one who is not the master of one’s senses is always in danger of becoming a victim of material energy. Even if one lives in the forest as a sage, the six wives – mind and five senses – always accompany him. But for the person who has gained control over the senses by understanding spiritual science and who finds joy and satisfaction within the self, even family life has no danger. This kind of person can see the difference between a commonplace attachment and true love. Attachment and love look very much alike, but their essence is very different. Actually, the attachment is the opposite of love, for despite the display of external signs of love, it constitutes hidden pride, envy, and hatred because it is based on a desire of possession and false ego.
The attachment is based on the desire of possession; therefore, it is nothing but false love, cunning and crooked. True love is selfless and unconditional, and if even the tiniest condition remains in our consciousness, it means that the self in this relationship is more important than the beloved. The self is kept in the center, and therefore the other person is just a means to achieve one’s own happiness. Thus, the main mood in such relationship is the one of exploitation, not love. Hence, the words ‘attachment’ and ‘exploitation’ basically have the same meaning. True love is in some sense similar to death; one has to completely give away one’s self in the service of one’s beloved, and that is why people are afraid of the true love.
Nevertheless, even when one realizes that the attachment does not bring real bliss, one still does not try to exchange it for the true love; one just changes a partner. It actually does give a feeling of being in love for some time, because this sensation accompanies both love and attachment. However, after some time the suffering comes back, and one has to begin a search for a new object to conduct yet another egoistic experiment. And as long as one does not understand the difference between soul and body, one will be afraid of death, and so there will be fear of unconditional love. Death brings to an end only our physical body; love, on the other hand, brings death to the subtle body, comprising our precious mind and false ego.
So, to conquer death, one has to learn how to love, and love is based on selflessness, not attachment. Hence fighting with attachments leads to victory over death. When in love, we give up not only body, but mind and false ego as well. When in love, we give up even our intelligence (reason), and that is why love appears so much similar to madness. It is the reason why people of faith and people in love are so irritating to common crowd. On the contrary, one who completely devoted one’s self to a worthy partner becomes absolutely peaceful. In this case, their whole life is based on complete trust rather than on their own egoism.
Love demands an absolute dedication to one’s love object. Attachment, on the contrary, tries to subjugate this object, ensuring the exclusive possession of the beloved. Therefore, selfless love brings about life, while attachment brings about death. So, if after the stage of initial attachment selfless love does not develop, then the partners are just killing each other, which is manifested in mutual hatred. This world is full of people falling in love with the consequent attachment, but there is no true love, for selflessness is not being taught.
Love also gets rid of fear. One senses fear when one is scared of losing something. The fear of losing is a sign of growing attachment. Instead of loving, one starts spying on the “love” object. If that “love” object will decide to leave, then for an attached person it is easier to destroy the object rather than let him/her go. Instead of love, mutual jealousy develops in the family, characterized by suspicion and vengefulness. Thus the object of love becomes a thing, for it is much easier to possess a thing than a person. And when love is completely destroyed, then love for material objects gradually increases, and love for people decreases. In a society where there is no true love, everybody loves material objects.
If Divorce is Inevitable
If the relationship has dissolved, and partners do not want to be together anymore, still no one must say that it is all over, everything should be forgotten, and each partner has to start life anew. A reasonable person would advise to wait and see how the situation will actually turn out because many families, after breaking up, thinking things over, criticizing, and even hatred, come back together and give it another chance. It is time that announces final resolutions, not just a person. If someone instead of time will tell the spouses that the end of their relationship has come, then the time will punish him/her for taking up its functions. Time does not only punish, it also cures; therefore, do not stay in its way. Maybe everything is not absolutely hopeless.
At this time, one should not start new relationships. Usually divorce indicates the beginning of destructive Rahu period. Unfortunately, it will not end as fast as one would like. Hence, one should not take final decisions of life importance at this negative period. One has to wait for it to be over and first see some signs of improvement; otherwise all the decisions made then will not be of any use, but will worsen the suffering.
If divorce is initiated for the sake of establishing other relations, and the decision has ripened long ago, then this family practically cannot be saved. The only thing left is to say clearly and firmly that it is very, very bad to do so. If one won’t tell it, he/ she will have to accept the responsibility for taking part in this sinful activity, even though one would seemingly save good and trusting relationship with that person. Therefore, with great kindness and compassion, friendly but very firmly, one has to advise how bad it is and what serious negative effects it will cause.
If you happen to be in this kind of situation, do not blame the partner. It will let you come out of this ugly situation with some dignity. If one wants to start his/her happy new life out of this unpleasant situation, one has to at least try to make it look as noble and honest as possible, or at least not degrading. Remember, the more respectful the divorce goes, the better chance of a good next marriage exists in the future. Divorce is the beginning of a new life, and if it starts with a sin, than one should try to reduce its impact to a minimum.
Even if something is our responsibility, we need to understand the effects of our actions. Thus, Arjuna thought about the effects of killing Ashvathama, who really should have been put to death by all the rules, but he still thought about what would happen to his mother in old age. And it was Krishna’s test, which Arjuna passed with flying colors. He showed us all an example of how not to act blindly. A sage cannot be blind. To be wise means to try to act so sublime, that no one would be able to disapprove one’s actions.
Spiritually developed person is also very experienced in everything (daksha). This is one of the 26 qualities that should be developed in the spiritual life. The Vedas comprise not only spiritual knowledge, but also material one, and the real sage must be qualified in all areas necessary. All the more, everything connected to the spiritual life is not material but spiritual as well. The only thing to understand is that if the consultant has no real experience in family life, his/her advice would be not as effective, for it is a very practical and sensitive area of expertise. The Vedas say that before one starts guiding another person, he or she must achieve something substantial in a given area. If it turns out well then one can take reins of government. As a proverb says, ”Doctor, heal yourself first”.
Finally, when consulting a troubled couple, one must understand that if the house does not have vigraha — the worship of God– then this house will become galagraha — a heavy burden. Though maintenance of the temple which you can turn your home into is always difficult, it brings spiritual bliss. Maintaining the empty house, which even God does not need, is a bone-breaking labor. Even a small step on the path of spiritual development can revitalize a house and make it more suitable for the spiritual life.
True love does not come “for something”, but rather “in spite of something”, sometimes in spite of a lot. That is how God loves us. Another thing is that the response to this love should be the desire to become as good as possible for the sake of those who love us. We need to learn real humility. When no one likes and appreciates us, we have to be able to say to ourselves, “I’m not worthy of love, so why should I take offense?” And when all of a sudden we start to be loved and appreciated, we must also be prepared to say to ourselves: “There is nothing to love me for – but the Lord wants me to pass this test.” And most importantly, we must learn to love other people also “for no reason.” In such a mood one can learn to solve all problems and overcome even insurmountable difficulties. Remember – the power is in humility!
Signs of an impending divorce
He does not like his wife’s cooking and prefers to eat out, hence eating food cooked by other women.
He does not like what his wife says, preferring talking to other women.
He does not like to spend money on his wife and spends it on other women.
How to deal with the threat of divorce
Increase the communication and start in a positive manner to clarify the situation.
Get help of elders or respected people.
Remove the negative impact of the opposite sex.
Reduce the demands from the partner that cause him/her discomfort.
Do not take the advice of those who were not able to save their own family.
If worse comes to worst, one can live separately or go away for some time with a good excuse to better assess the situation.
Remember, you must try to save the family just as you save the life of a child.
If divorce is inevitable
Do not take this as the final decision, but as a way to see in which direction the relationship will develop.
Do not create a new relationship and do not make final decisions.
Divorce for the sake of creating a new family should be clearly denoted as a very bad thing.
Do not blame the partner in a divorce; it will allow you to get out of the situation with dignity and start a new life.
Never say that divorce is now inevitable.
Even if the divorce happened, do not say that the relationship is over and it is time to create a new family.
Do not support the accusation of one partner against another.
Put as much effort into saving a family as you put into saving a child’s life
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